Unpacking thoughts.

I'm packing again. This is the tenth time in the past year.

I don't want to look back on life and discover that I've become everything I should have been, rather than everything I could have been. In an effort to embrace the coulds, and upon the advice of some people who have a bit more adventurous minds than I, I'm embarking on a 40 day, 6000 mile adventure that will span eight states, four time zones, two countries, a large water mass, and two languages & cultures.

I've written a bucket list. And because of some recent upheavals in my life, I've purposefully added items to the list only when they meet a very specific criterion: I must be able to complete the list without the assistance or need of any other person. The items can and will be done with others, but I will not plan a task that allows me to hold myself back based on someone else's plans or timeframe.
And I'm getting things crossed off that bucket list.

And I'm getting butterflies at the thought of flying to another country, taking a bus to a city where English is scarce, and immersing myself in a situation well outside my comfort bubble. *POP*

I'm at odds with myself, striving to embrace life and make it my own and the best and the most adventurous and depending only on myself, yet also realizing that true happiness lies in those you share it with, and can't be won solo. Here's how I feel, I think. Embracing adventure and living dreams, but some things remain somehow amiss.

A few of my wise friends remind me: It's ok for it not be ok. It's ok to be upset, or sad, or angry. Life isn't perfect; you don't have to act like it is.
So I'll just look ahead to today and tomorrow, and enjoy them, and not worry about the days after. Those will become today and tomorrow soon enough. :)

"People have said “Don’t cry” to other people for years and years, and all it has ever meant is, “I’m too uncomfortable when you show your feelings. Don’t cry.” I’d rather have them say, “Go ahead and cry. I’m here to be with you.” ~Fred Rogers