- Wait numerous weeks before weeding. This allows for feelings of power (yanking handfuls of weeds at a time), efficiency (weed piles weed-high-by-the-4th-pass-by), accomplishment (stark differences between 2-foot deep green carpeting and patches of brown earth), and successful task prioritization (you got to spend valuable hours not-weeding in the weeks prior).
- Choose a sunny spot. Not only because sunlight is important for healthy plant growth, but because you get to have an excuse to buy a big ol' gardening hat that would otherwise be absurd.
- Bring bug spray. This is especially important in the northwoods of Wisconsin, where mosquitoes rule and we simply imagine ourselves to have a functioning democracy.
- Bring a lot of bug spray. I prefer >25% DEET. The continuous spray can is very handy, but the pump-spray top is easier for removal so you can dump the bottle over yourself. I'm working on a DEET portable shower; contact me for purchase after the prototype is completed.
- Bug spray. Making sure you didn't miss this part. My facial features were akin to Quasimodo after a 5 minute venture with only partial bug spray coverage. Be ye warned.
- Don't visit your garden frequently. This ensures that you won't be overcome by guilt and succumb to the weekly/daily weeding that some other gardeners employ. Stay strong - stay away.
- Don't set expectations. I once harvested spherical cucumbers. I considered them bite-size, and I didn't even pay extra for this special variety! They were a lovely surprise, like a gift you got for yourself 6 weeks ago on backorder. When you have no expectations, you can't fail to reach them!
Jess' bite-size cukes
*These steps do not ensure or even suggest successful gardening. Just easy gardening. Some lady named Martha probably can help you with the successful part.
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