The last day.

I spent some extra mirror time this morning. I looked into eyes that held a little less fear, a little more confidence, and - best of all - a little more sparkle. Eyes that had seen hundreds of patients and charts and insurance authorizations, dozens of parks and beaches and pathways and bicycle RPMs, and just a few new faces and friends. 

I repositioned my name badge on my shirt and smiled - 28 months ago, it took quite a few tries to get it just right. There were butterflies then, too, but less of the heart squeeze threatening to make eyes leak like this morning. The echo of bare walls was reminiscent of first days in this 2-bedroom apartment that's grown to fit me, and I, it. 

So much has happened in 2.5 years. So many trials, and failures, and joys, and disappointments, and lonely times, and adventures. So many met and unmet expectations. So many smiles and proofs that people are inherently good. So many reminders that I am inherently imperfect, and consider it a blessing (and, let's be real - sometimes a surprise) when patients get better, even with imperfect me in charge. So many late evenings with documentation, but willing to do it all over again the next day, for love of the human body and this human experience. So many jokes and smiles and teasing in the hallways. So many pieces of life, lived. 

And I've gotten to live them. 

I've always struggled with goodbyes. I've always saved all things to the last drop, hesitant to cross the threshold of "all gone". I struggle to remember that leaving a routine doesn't mean the memories disappear. Memories of lunchtime walks for root beer ice cream, kayak trips down lazy rivers, competitions with towels and airplanes, midday cups and later day bruises, dinner dates with my "special milk". Katelyn's loud clapping, Rae's laugh snort, Jaclyn's sushi runs, Stacey's crockpot meals. Nancy's oatmeal, Amy's costume creations, Ana's quiet corner. Karen's chats, Cindy's cards, and many more. 

It has been so good. I have been so fortunate. And I hope that a little blessing has been shared because I was part of these memories. 

I'm only coping with the parting because I'm anticipating the reuniting. Here's to new memories!

❤️jms