Off-track (latergram)

10/17/16:
I showed up early to work with nothing to do... time to embrace my goal of returning to regular blogging.


Struggles. I'm having a few. Chalk it up to adding another year to my experience, or to shortening days as autumn progresses, or to the gnawing feeling of fear that life is slipping by without every ounce of living squeezed out of it. Actually, yes - it is that gnawing fear. I have lived my life with goals in mind: Learn to read. Be the best-dressed cowboy-girl ever. Graduate high school. Attend college. Complete physical therapy school. Find a great job in a fulfilling career. Be the best physical therapist. But now... What now? Now that I've done the schooling and found the job, am I simply strapped in for the lazy river ride for 40 or 50 years of a career? Am I being the best I can be, or just good enough? Is meeting and treating and discharging patients the goal, my God-given purpose during this walk through life? Am I just patching the gaps with weekend adventures?


My God-given purpose. The track that holds the wheels on course through valleys and turns, passes and straightaways. I sense it is overgrown; overgrown with to-do lists, responsibilities, concerns, things said and unsaid, undiscovered wishes, laziness. Overgrown such that the car moves slowly, feeling the tracks, sometimes losing grip and sliding precariously askew. Overgrown in a Secret Garden sort of way, slowly fading into distant memory. Overgrown by busyness and trivial tasks that I heap on in an "I'm important because I do things" manner.


Time for some yardwork.