Grade reports.

It was an honest mistake. The professor passed lecture notes to the class, and I looked at the cover page blankly, waiting dully for the lecture to begin. My neighbor across the aisle caught my attention and looked concerned.

"Jessica, am I supposed to have this?"

He passed the sheet of paper to me. As I skimmed it, I heard a general scuffling in the class as more classmates found copies of the same sheet. I finally realized what it was: A grade report for Jessica M Stotz, detailing final scores for last semester, as well as cumulative GPA. Multiple inquiries rose from the class; directed toward the professor, toward seatmates, toward me. The room was in quite a kerfuffle (though the description kerfuffle may be a state exaggerated by the heat that found its way to my face and pounding ears), and by the time the professor  understood what the error was, she was quite taken aback, apologizing profusely, and explaining she had no part in the goof-up. I stammered something to shrug it off and looked down, ashamed.


My grade report is nothing to be ashamed of. Actually, I'm quite proud of it. And I've no reason to be ashamed of the remarks from my classmates, noting their wish to have their name on my grade report. No reason at all.
But when my scores were posted for everyone to see, I was more embarrassed than I have been in quite some time.

I was ashamed to have my grades shared with others for fear of what they would think, for fear of what they might say; for fear of making them feel inferior, or jealous, or unqualified; for fear that it might be perceived as boasting. I couldn't bear to look them in the eyes, because I was ashamed of the something good that had come my way. 

I have another fear. I fear that I am ashamed to share the most beautiful "something good" that has ever happened to me, or to anyone. I fear I am content to read my whitewashed grade report, keeping it filed away to save others from unwanted feelings. I fear that I am ashamed because others may feel inferior, or put off, or preached at if I openly share the great Hope I have with them.

I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. (Rom 1:16, NIV)

By the power of God, for the salvation of everyone who believes, I will not be ashamed of the Good News. I will not be ashamed, because it is nothing of my works or my thoughts or my doings; it is of and from and for God. And if someone remarks that they'd rather have their name on that whitewashed report, I'll tell them straightaway how they can get one of their own.

23Thus says the LORD, “Let not a wise man boast of his wisdom, and let not the mighty man boast of his might, let not a rich man boast of his riches – and let not a student boast of her grades – 24but let him who boasts boast of this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the LORD who exercises lovingkindness, justice and righteousness on earth; for I delight in these things,” declares the LORD. (Jer 9:23-24, NASB)